Meet Rod and Julie

Parents of three adult children Rod, 69, and Julie, 61, from Chesterfield became kinship carers to their 2-year-old granddaughter when she was just 5 days old.

Rod said: “Our daughter tragically had a stroke when she was 37 weeks pregnant. We visited her in hospital when our granddaughter River was 3 days old and saw that social services were in a huddle talking about River and discussing her future care.

“Without thinking we said we’d take care of her because there was no doubt that she would be safe and loved with us rather than with strangers.

“We had a couple of days to come to terms with our decision. We could have sat in a corner with our heads in our hands but we’re not that kind of people. We just got on with it.

“Two days later on an early April afternoon we picked her up from hospital when she was 5 days old. We had to source everything for a nursery as we didn’t have anything.

“We only had the baby grow she was wearing and a moses basket.

“It was teatime when we brought her home and my wife was expected back at work at 8am the next day. She was told she couldn’t take time off work or even bring her annual leave forward so she couldn’t be at home with her newborn granddaughter and had to go to work the next day. I didn’t sleep that night.”

Julie said: “It was a stressful, emotional, traumatic and frightening time. But we weren’t going to walk away from it. We dug in.”

Rod said: “That first morning I was trying to get my granddaughter washed and dressed and I had social services, a midwife and a health visitor on the doorstep. I thought I’m going to have to pull my trousers up and get on with it.

“Over the next weeks and months we had to buy a cot, nappies, car seat, toys, everything. It was a real culture shock at first.

“I was running a clock making business from home but that has taken a back seat so I can care for my granddaughter who is wonderful. She’s always slept through the night, so we’ve been very lucky.

“When social services first asked us whether we would take her in, we thought it may be on a temporary basis until our daughter got better but our daughter still has major health issues, so now it’s permanent.

“We were temporary foster carers to start with but it was so intrusive we went to court and got a special guardianship order giving us full parental rights.

“However, the little financial support we do receive is means tested as I have a work and state pension, so we don’t get left with very much and it’s expensive to raise a child. Your money just disappears.

“We love our granddaughter to bits and wouldn’t have it any other way but kinship carers really need the same financial and practical support as foster carers and we should be entitled to paid leave from work to bond with our kinship children and for us all to settle into our new lives. But there’s hardly any support for kinship carers and it’s not fair.

“Now River has what was the spare room, it means the other grandchildren can’t stay over anymore which is a shame. We’re a lot worse off financially, as I had to stop working and Julie works part-time, so our income has reduced by about 70% and we’ve gone through our savings.

“I’m going to be 70 next month. It’s not how we envisaged our retirement to be. I’m a lot more tired now. After 40 years of being parents we’ve become instant parents again.”

Julie said: “It’s more than one loss. You lose a lot at our age. I mourn for the retirement we thought we were going to have, the lovely holidays abroad, going away at weekends with friends and meals out together. I have come to terms that I will never have a retirement because I’ll still be running around after River who we love to bits. When you become a kinship carer you have to make big sacrifices. We’re not complaining. It’s just how it is but not the way it should be. Kinship carers should get more support.

Rod added: “We wanted to give this little girl as much love and support in her life as possible until her mum could cope.

“We were grateful to receive support from our Kinship local peer support group because kinship carers are all in the same boat, experiencing similar struggles and it helps to have other people to talk to who can understand your situation, so you don’t feel so alone.

“Being a kinship carer has changed my life and opened my eyes to how other kinship families are treated. Such a lot of other kinship families are worse off than ourselves. We still do things together as a family with River’s mum.

“Julie documents what’s happened in River’s life every day. It’s the story of her life. When she’s older and starts asking questions everything she needs to know will be there for her to read.”