Kinship’s Advisory Group member Bobbie-Jo shares her reflections this Black History Month

Bobbie-Jo is a member of Kinship’s Advisory Group and a kinship carer to her nephew aged 2 in Wales. This Black History Month Bobbie-Jo shares her reflections on the importance of equitable recognition and representation for kinship carers of different and diverse backgrounds.

The reason I first reached out to Kinship was because I was looking for help in a situation where I felt there wasn’t any.

My journey to kinship care was challenging and painful with the options for my nephew of African descent being adoption…or me. Despite being visible, present and willing to be assessed as potential kinship carers, my mother and I were not recognised, considered or addressed as a viable option. It was difficult to accept at first, but it became consistently clear that assumptions were being made about who we were perceived to be, rather than who we were.

We recognised the treatment because we had experienced similar treatment before. The disrespect was tangible, misplaced and discriminatory. It had no place in the process to secure a safe and loving future for our voiceless family member. Our contributions were dismissed and instead of working with us to develop the best options for my nephew, the process became infected with fear and mistrust.

The heritage of a child is intrinsic to their identity, wellbeing and sense of belonging. We simply hoped that we could be part of the solution to help sustain the bonds for my nephew to understand who he is and to become all that he can be. His mum and dad got it. They knew that if they couldn’t bring him up themselves, that they would want him to be safe, secure and loved as part of his family, with them both in his life.

We’d been there from the start, when my nephew was just a speck. As kin, we had no voice and as potential kinship carers we were silenced. We’d made our commitment to my nephew and never faltered in our efforts. His existence became our focus, his welfare our goal. We looked everywhere for support and found that there were very few professionals who dared to step forward. That’s when I found Kinship who embraced me with a listening ear and never questioned my intentions, motivation or worth.

I first met my nephew when he was 7 months old, and when he came to live with me at 10 months old, I still didn’t know if he’d be staying. It was harrowing not knowing and I was regularly reminded that I was not good enough even when I’d consistently and positively progressed from one assessment to the next. Some professionals stated that a white relative would be a “better bet”, and another official recommended that family should be identified, even though I was there and had been recorded as being present from when my nephew was still in gestation.

Eventually, after a gruelling 13 months of battling against the concept of adoption, my nephew’s right to family life was then officially upheld when he became a fully-fledged permanent member of his family. We’d always loved and wanted him, put him first and advocated his best interests. Now, after nearly 2 years, it’s like he’s always been with us as he fills his home with the shrills and delights of a toddler. We often reflect on the events that passed and cut our family so deeply, yet we never question whether it was worth the journey to the ends of the Earth and back again because we know that standing firm is the right thing to do.

Earlier this year, I was invited to join other kinship carers as part of Kinship’s Advisory Group. Representation from kinship carers from all walks of life and backgrounds is vital and the Advisory Group embraces difference and diversity as an invaluable asset, not a threat. We offer our time and life experiences to shaping all aspects of Kinship’s work from service design, delivery and good practice to raising awareness of legislation and influencing policy.

Sadly, as a Black kinship carer, I have first-hand living experience of the disparities that exist in the treatment of people of difference. However, where I was not recognised as a competent contributor to the solutions to secure my nephew’s permanence in a timely manner, I have found a place where my contributions are valued and may be able to make a difference to other kinship carers on their journey.

I hope that by sharing the challenges and successes of my experiences, existing and future kinship carers may feel encouraged to share their own experiences and secure the help and support they need. Our combined voices can help to raise awareness of the need to eliminate discrimination by identifying, recognising and holding it to account.

Our unity will strengthen the challenge for change and remind us that we are not alone. Kinship provides several online support groups that have offered me a safe space to share my thoughts, ideas, concerns and disappointments.

Kinship’s Diverse Families online support group provides a space for kinship carers raising children with mixed or different cultural identities to themselves to share, celebrate and discuss the importance of our unique experiences of racial identity, culture and heritage in the developing landscape of positive change.

Please never give up. Kinship is a family in which you are not alone. Someone somewhere will know how you feel, and your experience could make the difference for someone else.

My nephew is thriving as a family member and totally rules the roost. Every day is my wish for him to be happy and healthy. He is a wonderful little person who has a mum and dad and an extended family of connected people that absolutely adore him. Being a kinship carer is an extraordinary task and a phenomenal feeling. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Read about our research into the experience of Black and Asian kinship carers.

Find out more about our Diverse Families online peer support group and register for the next meeting.