Grandfather kinship carer and Kinship peer support group leader volunteer

My wife and I became kinship carers to our grandson 14 yrs ago.

In 2019 my wife and I set up an in-person Kinship peer support group because there was no support at the time available for kinship carers in our area. We meet fortnightly with kinship carers from Bromley, Lewisham and Southwark. We also have a WhatsApp group which anybody in our group can use if they need more immediate support. My wife and I work as a partnership and it’s completely up to us how often and where we lead the meeting. During Covid we met online weekly because that was what we wanted to do then.

People tell us they love coming to the group because it’s a safe place to unburden themselves by sharing what’s going on in their lives. They are able to talk about their problems and struggles and just not feel so alone. I’m quite a vocal person and I like to fight my corner so that’s what I encourage other kinship carers to do.

I also co-lead the online men’s peer support group with another kinship carer, Kieron, which we set up 18 months ago. I get on so well with Kieron even though we’ve only met in-person a handful of times!

It’s great being able to chew the fat and discuss the emotional challenges we face with other men. It’s amazing to see the group getting bigger too!

One moment which has really stayed with me was when a kinship carer rang me up to tell me that his wife had come home in floods of tears after attending a Kinship peer support group meeting. I was worried that I was about to be told off but then he shared what she said: ‘Gary we’re not alone in this. There are other people like us.’ It was lovely to hear that they were tears of joy, as well as comfort.

I think kinship carers would be absolutely lost without Kinship peer support groups. It would be almost impossible to find another source of independent information. I also get great support from Kinship as a volunteer. If I don’t know the answer to a kinship carer’s question then I simply point them towards Kinship’s advice line or workshops and Roadshows.

As a volunteer peer support group leader, it can be a mentally tiring role but it’s very rewarding. When we meet we all know that we’re in this together. I like to say: ‘“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.’” We are that lifeboat for people who might be sinking.

However, the reality is it that there just aren’t enough lifeboats/peer support groups for kinship carers. Through our group we support ten kinship families but we know there are over 500 kinship children in our borough. We need more peer volunteer support group leaders setting up groups so that we can find all those children who need support. We absolutely need new blood and new volunteer kinship carers who can tell their story and spread awareness of kinship care.