Kinship carers are family or friends who step up, often during an unexpected crisis, to care for a child when their parents aren’t able to.
How to prepare for becoming a kinship carer
We know there’s a lot to take in when you’re preparing to become a kinship carer. That’s why we’ve put together information and advice to help you get ready.
This advice applies to: England and Wales
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Who is a kinship carer? How can I prepare for it?
Most people need to make changes when they become a kinship carer. It’s important to prepare as well as you can, so that you can make good decisions for you, your family and the child you will be stepping up to raise.
We’d recommend exploring what being a kinship carer means and the different types of kinship care arrangements. You should also seek legal advice as early as possible.
You might find these guides helpful:
There will be times when being a kinship carer is tough. But there will be many wonderful moments too. It’s important to share and celebrate the good parts, together with the child you’re caring for. And it’s easier to do that if you are clear about why you are a kinship carer in the first place.
Below you’ll find practical information and advice on preparing to become a kinship carer. Being a kinship carer is challenging but can also be hugely rewarding. We know that everyone’s situation is different. You might have additional challenges and more pressures on your day-to-day life. But you are not alone, we are here to help. We’re here for the highs and lows.
Preparing your home
It’s important that the child you’re stepping up to raise feels safe and part of your family life. Before they come to live with you, think about where they will sleep and how they will spend their time. What changes can you make that might make them feel settled and at home? Try and think about the future too as you may need more space as the child gets older and your family’s needs change.
Understanding the child’s needs
There is a good chance you already know the child well. But try to make some special time just for them and let them know that they can ask any questions and talk to you about how they are feeling. It may be that they’ve come to be in your care because of a crisis, which may be traumatic for them. So, it’s important that they feel safe to talk to you about their emotions.
When you talk to the child about what is happening, try to explain it in a way that matches their understanding of why they are going to be in your care. Reassure them that they are loved, cared for and safe.
The child may be wondering about things that are important to them, like what toys they can bring and how they will stay in contact with their siblings. If possible, try and make sure you keep any treasured items, like the child’s family photo albums.
If they have been cared for before they come to you, try to find out what things they like doing and what their day-to-day routines are. Ask about contact information for school friends, activities they attend, meals they like to eat, and any allergies they may have.
How to get support for yourself
Although there are enormous benefits to a child remaining within their family network, taking on a child in such difficult circumstances can affect the whole family.
As the kinship carer you might feel very disappointed and angry towards parents, feeling they have let down their own children. You might also be realising that things have been kept from you, such as abuse or addiction.
If you have a partner or your own children, they will be affected too. You may find that not everyone agrees with the situation, and this can take a toll on your mental health and wellbeing. But you are not alone. There is free support available from Kinship and other organisations.
Contact the Kinship advice team
Find out more about our advice service, how they can help, and how to get in touch with them.
Contact the Kinship advice team
Join a support group
Learn about our peer support groups and find a group that suits you, online or in-person.
Support groups
Workshop: Understanding trauma and attachment in children
Join a free workshop to learn about trauma and attachment and how they might affect the children you care for.
Join an upcoming workshopPreparing for changes
Whatever your situation, your life will change significantly when you take on a kinship child. You may find this very difficult. You can prepare by thinking about any other caring responsibilities you may have, how those might be affected and who could help you. It might be helpful to talk through these issues with someone you trust and who can help you think clearly.
You may also need to make changes to your social life and other interests. Building and maintaining a support network will make any changes easier.
How to get financial support
Raising a child brings unexpected costs. And trying to work out what additional support you might be entitled to, is one of the most complex challenges kinship carers face.
You may be retired and living on a pension, or you may be employed or still in education. Whatever your situation, you may have to make some big decisions which could affect your finances.
Depending on your particular arrangement, there may be financial support available. See our guides:
Managing work and childcare
If you are working, one of the big considerations of becoming a kinship carer is how to manage work alongside your new childcare responsibilities. But there are options available to you, such as flexible working and unpaid parental leave.
Flexible working
If you are employed you can request a flexible working arrangement, however long you have worked there. This might include working part-time or as a job share. It could be working longer hours over fewer days or working from home.
Unpaid parental leave
If you have been with your employer for more than a year, you may be entitled to up to 18 weeks unpaid parental leave for each child you are caring for – up until their 18th birthday. You can take a maximum of 4 weeks in one year for each qualifying child.
This only applies if you have parental responsibility or are applying for a legal order that will grant you parental responsibility for a child aged under 18. You are not eligible if you are a foster carer.
Looking after your health
For many people, being a kinship carer is a long-term commitment. That’s why it’s a good idea to consider your age and health when you are making decisions and planning for the future.
Think about how you will manage should your health get worse, or you become unwell. If you have any concerns, try and get the right support in place now, such as a plan for who can help or take over if necessary.
Planning contact time with family
Contact time with family refers to the time that children in kinship care spend with their birth parents. For some kinship carers, managing contact time can be stressful. One of the ways to avoid problems, and stress, is through good planning.
Start thinking about how you can help make it a positive experience for the child. Be as practical as possible by being clear about things like timings, travel, supervision and expenses.
Planning time for yourself
Everyone needs a break sometimes. It’s important for your mental and physical health to make time for yourself. Try to plan time in your weekly routine to rest and recharge and have social time to see family and friends. Many kinship carers find attending a support group really helps.
You may be able to arrange suitable childcare or for the child to take part in regular after -school activities, such as Brownies, Scouts or other clubs.
If you need longer respite care, explore if it’s possible to arrange for the child to spend a day, weekend or short holiday with their parents or another family member.
Related advice and information
Find out how you become a kinship carer, and what to expect from the process.
Everything you need to know about claiming Child Benefit as a kinship carer, including links to the latest government information.
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