Supporting a young person exploring their sexual orientation or gender identity

What is sexual orientation or sexual identity?

Sexuality often refers to a person’s sexual orientation or preference. Your sexual orientation is who you are attracted to emotionally, mentally, and physically. This may be same-sex (homosexual), male-female (heterosexual), bisexual (both genders), or pansexual (both genders, nonbinary people, and any other gender identity). 

What is gender identity?

Gender identity is different from a person’s gender at birth. It is also different from someone’s sexuality or who they may be attracted to. Gender identity is a person’s own sense of their own gender. For example, some people may identify as a male or female, however, others may feel that they do not fit into either of these terms and that they fit somewhere between genders.

What is gender fluidity?

When a person moves between gender identities or expressions, this is called gender fluidity. The fluidity may not be permanent.

What is non-binary?

People who feel they don’t fit into either gender are called non-binary. They neither identify as man or woman, but somewhere in between. Additionally, some people may identify as a mix of both genders. 

There are many terms that describe gender identity so it’s important not to be too hard on yourself if you are not aware of all of them. Stonewall, the charity that supports the rights of LGBTQ+ people, has a full list of terms and explanations that you may find useful.

Tips on responding to a young person disclosing their gender or sexual orientation

Whatever a young person’s gender identity or sexual orientation, whether they identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or non-binary, they should be able to have a positive experience and not feel judged or be made to feel different. The most important thing is to let the young person know that they can talk to you and can be open about how they are feeling without being judged.

Here are some tips on how to respond if a young person wants to talk about their gender or sexual orientation.

• recognise that this isn’t something that is going to go away, so don’t ignore the matter
• accept that this is their decision and give them unconditional love and support
• let them know that you will be there for them and that you want them to be open about any feelings or decisions they wish to make
• take time to learn and understand gender identity and sexual orientation. There are lots of organisations you can contact for support
• help them feel accepted by using the name or pronoun that they prefer, for example, ‘he or she’, ‘they or them’, or another pronoun of choice. Also, try to use the correct term when the young person isn’t present. And if you make a mistake and get it wrong, apologise and correct yourself
• many carers blame themselves and believe it’s something they have done wrong whilst raising the child they are caring for. It is nothing that you have done. This is who they are. And they need understanding, love and acceptance

Organisations that offer support

The organisations below offer information and support for LGBTQ+ young people, their families and carers.

Support from Kinship

Here at Kinship, we offer a range of free support for all kinship carers, including  workshops, online advice and information, and support groups.

To find services, information and support in your local area, including information about your local children’s services, use our Kinship Compass tool.

You can also contact the Kinship advice team for free, non-judgmental advice and information if you live in England or Wales.