Support & guidance for kinship carers raising a young person who may be exploring their sexual orientation or gender identity

Our advice team has put together facts and resources for kinship carers whose children may be exploring their gender or sexual identity. We understand it can be a sensitive topic, and we want to make sure you feel comfortable and equipped with enough information to help and understand your child and their feelings.

What is your sexuality or sexual orientation?
Sexuality often refers to a person’s sexual orientation or preference. Your sexual orientation is who you are emotionally, mentally, and physically attracted to. This may be same-sex (homosexual), male-female (heterosexual), bisexual (both genders), or pansexual (both genders, nonbinary people, and any other gender identity).

What is gender identity?
Firstly, it is important to remember that gender identity is different from a person’s gender at birth. It is also different from someone’s sexuality or who they may be attracted to. Gender identity is a person’s personal sense of their own gender. For example, some people may identify as a boy or a girl, however, others may feel that they do not fit into either of these terms, they may feel they fit somewhere between genders.

What is gender fluidity?
Gender fluidity is when a person moves between gender identities or expressions. Such fluidity may not be permanent.

What is non-binary?
Non-binary is where a person feels they don’t fit into either gender. They neither identify as man or woman, but somewhere in between. Additionally, some people may identify as a mix of both genders.

There are many terms that describe gender identity, it’s important not to be too hard on yourself if you are not aware of all of them. You can obtain a full list of terms and meanings here.

Whatever a young person’s gender identity or sexual orientation, whether they identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or non-binary, they should be able to have a positive experience and not feel judged or be made to feel different. The most important thing is to let the young person know that they can talk to you and can be open about how they are feeling without being judged.

Below are some tips on how you may respond to a young person disclosing their gender or sexual orientation to you.

• Recognise that this isn’t something that is going to go away, don’t ignore the matter.
• Accept that this is their decision and give them unconditional love and support.
• Let them know that you will be there for them and that you want them to be open about any feelings or decisions they wish to make.
• Take time to learn and understand gender identity and sexual orientation. There are lots of organisations you can contact for support (see list below).
• Help the young person feel accepted by using the name or pronoun that they prefer, for example, ‘he or she’, ‘they or them’, or another pronoun of choice. Also, try to use the correct term when the young person isn’t present. If you make a mistake and get it wrong, apologies and correct yourself.
• Accept that you are not to blame – many carers blame themselves and believe it’s something they have done wrong whilst raising the child they are caring for. It’s important to realise that you are in no way responsible for your loved one’s decision.